every wander

We're already two thirds of the way done with the year. I'll be honest and say that I was expecting much more from 2020. My mindset was so positive at the beginning of the year, but then the pandemic happened, and life happened, and now I just don't know where my mind is at.  It wants to be happy, but I feel like there's something holding it back. I strive for a life of abundance and fulfillment, but I'm still not sure what that means for me. It's almost been 5 years since I've graduated college, and I'm still as lost as ever. I've heard that adulting goes something like this, is that true? Am I just  feeling what most other adults feel? I'm trying to get back to going upward on this rollercoaster, but it feels like as soon as I go a bit up, it just goes a little more down.  I feel like I haven't started living, like I haven't started my life. What am I living for? Who am I living for? What does it even mean to be alive.  These are just s...

Lately, I have had all of these things on my mind wondering about how I got to where I am and what is missing, and I've just been needing to get it written down somewhere out here in this huge world. So here it goes. I remember the first time I heard the word nomad. Now, this may sound dumb or immature, but it is just simply what I had thought at the time. The idea of being a nomad intrigued me when I was younger, and I think I'm realizing now that that's always how I've wanted to be. I use to say that I wanted to be a bum, and yeah it was sort of a joke. But it was also sort of serious. That feeling of being free and on the road, and fulfilling whatever it is that life throws at you. How do things change so fast, and so sudden? Where does our imagination go? You have the power to do and change your life. What you believe, becomes. These random thoughts in my head comes up constantly. The real enemy is yourself, you just have to focus on the goals that are in ...

I was cleaning through my last college backpack and found these cards stuffed in there. The first one I pulled out was my Uncle's. I never really think too much about what he says or have taken it to heart, but reading it at that moment something really struck me. "... Enjoy your life. It's never too late. Go make yourself happy. Have great dreams... " It made me sit there and think and wonder if he feels like it had been too late for him.He's disabled, and has to live with us and stay home all day and there have been times when he mumbles about being stuck and that it's too late for him.  But as he wrote, it's  never  too late. Reading it made me feel like I need to go and do something, the thing I dream and I have to have great dreams because I am able to. It made my heart turn for him, and also made me scared because maybe I do feel like it's already too late and maybe I'm not as happy as I could be making myself. Don't get me wrong t...

This question has been bugging me, tapping on my brain whenever there's free time on hand. It makes my mind run far away from where it is trying to get to where it wants to be. But for those who are lost, when was it that we stopped chasing after our dreams? When was it that we decided that it was unobtainable? It's so far now that I can't even remember what my dream or passion was. What is my purpose now? I had a conversation the other day with one of my colleagues, and he mentioned that he found his purpose in life was to help people. I also want to help people, but to narrow it down, I want to help people find the beauty within herself or himself. But is that my passion and dream? My purpose? I think about what parents dream their kids to be. I'm sure every parent dreams that their kid will have a passion and will pursue it with his or her whole heart. It makes me wonder if my parents can see that I'm lost, and haven't found my passion or didn't follo...